Happy New Year

All the best in the new year fellow bloggers!



Keep on being groovy...

What did you get for xmas?

I got a cold, diarrhea, projectile vomiting and menstrual cramps. Pretty much every orifice was flowing like Niagara Falls.

On the plus side, this is probably the first xmas where I've actually lost weight.

What did you score this year?

Originals vs Covers - Baby Got Back

OK! Third installment of 'Covers vs Originals' and another embarrassing confession: I like big butts! More accurately I love the song 'Baby Got Back' by Sir Mix-A-Lot. It's just one of those songs that makes me get up and dance and smile.

I do have the song... on cassette... but now, when the mood hits me, I just play the video on my laptop. And here it is:

This morning, on my latest 'Baby Got Back' google, I noticed a few different covers of this tune; a folk version, a metal version and a 'Gilbert and Sullivan' version. IMO, they were pretty dull but I did find a few that were more interesting.

This swanky one is by lounge lizard Richard Cheese (crap video quality) is pretty good:



Though I'm not a religious woman, I think the following, very modified, cover is amusing and well done. Here's 'Baby Got Book' by Dan 'Southpaw' Smith:



And when I was googling I found the following. It's not a cover of the song but just a fun way two people used it:



So there you are.

What song is your guilty pleasure?

December 6th

Twenty years ago today, Marc Lepine walked into the Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal and killed 14 women in his fight against feminism. An event referred to as the Montreal Massacre.

The above photo is a plaque in the gardens at Government House in Victoria, BC.

I remember that day very clearly. I first heard 'did you hear? there's been a shooting at a uni in Montreal? some nutjob with gun is killing students' comments from various people while at university. Back then there was no internet (very hard to imagine now!) and I had to wait until I got home to see some version of the following on the telly:



At that time in my life I was the same age as the women killed in Montreal, I was also, like them, a student at university and scarier still, one of my classes was feminist theory.

To hear that someone had gone to a university to kill as many women as he could and blame feminism for his actions was very frightening. For the first time in my relatively safe and sheltered life I truly felt personally threatened not really as a woman but as a woman who believed in social, political, economic, etc justice. I wondered how could anyone be so opposed to something so just and ethical? How could someone be so opposed that they kill?

Obviously, after twenty years of study, reflection, discussion, documentaries, lectures and books later, I have my answers. Ha! Truth is, I really only have a more theoretically complicated answers that just boil down to the same bewilderment I felt at age 21... some things in life are just truly fucked-up.

I haven't seen this film yet but this is a clip of the first 90 seconds of Polytechnique. Chilling.



Very chilling.

Blogiversary

Hey!

Happy Blogiversary to my blog!

One whole year of typing about shit fuck all! :-)

It has been fun to shoot off my mouth, bitch about things and express various levels of fucked-up-ness. The real bonus however, as if I needed a further perk, ;-) has been meeting some very good and lovely people, :-) in addition to keeping up with bloggees who I knew before before they were bloggees; it has all been very, very sweet. And that's an example of a run-on sentence.

Now... how should I celebrate?

PS:
I owe a lot of blogs that I follow some visits and comments. Please forgive me; it's not lack of interest, it's a serious lack of oomph on my part. Sorry. :-/

Non xmassy xmas?

I hate xmas and I have pretty much decided that I'm opting out of xmas this year. I just do not have the desire or the energy to feign happily going along with it anymore. I hate it, I have for a long, long time and it's time for me to live my life with integrity.

Question is... what shall I do over the holiday season? I'm very aware of the negative effects the most joyous time of the year (gag) has on certain people and this year, I'm one of those people.

So I'm wondering if maybe I should 'do something' but at the same time, my energy is low. Some days just getting up, dressed and fed is an accomplishment in itself nevermind pestering off somewhere.

Maybe I'll just crank up the heat, put on some good reggae and pretend I'm in Jamaica.

What would be your ideal non-xmassy xmas?

Cassiopeia? Ha!

Prkl, my bloggee friend in Finland, posted the below groovy pic on his blog. He mentioned a couple of constellations and asked if anyone recognised any others.



So I gazed and gazed and a constellation gradually appeared. I call it Citaloprameia. ;-)

Happy surprise!

Yesterday, I came home from my appointment with Shrinkychick and a round of food shopping, soaked, chilled to the bone and frazzled... oh, how I love this climate during the rainy season.

But all that faded away, when I checked my mail. A surprise! A wonderful book from someone in Scotland and the nicest thing that's happened to me in a very long while.

The blogosphere has been a surprising experience, fer shure.

(blows a kiss to Mr Scotland) ;-)

Scenic Sunday... sammich anyone?

This is the view from the summit of the Malahat... a section of the TransCanada Highway that winds northwards up the Island from Victoria (BC, Canada).

Nice place for a sammich, eh? What will you have? What's your favourite sammich?



Enjoy your sammich and please don't litter...

To see more Scenic Sundays, click the pic:

ugh... umm... aww...

I've been struggling for some peace of mind for a long while now and I think I'm battling depression. I recognise the increasing blackness and frequency of my dark moods but I also paradoxically have been feeling better in some respects.

It's an odd set of feelings to feel better and worse at once so it was a bit confusing to start taking an antidepressant, which I'm now taking and I find that very depressing, lol. Seriously though, swallowing that first pill was painful (a feeling defeat and defect) but ultimately I hope it takes the rough bottom edge off of my mood and anxiety without taking too much off the top.

Relating to the above, while 'having a moment' a few days ago, I messed with my blog... tried a new template and I think it removed stuff, I selected various options and fuck knows what else I did and in the mood I was in 'ah fuck it, who cares?' was my response to the mess and just left it.

I've received a few 'are you ok?' messages, which I will respond to eventually (I'm very spaced out) but I wanted say sorry to cause any worries or concern, thank you for caring; it means tons to me... you have no idea.

Man in the Moon

I made this slide show a year ago on the first anniversary of my Dad's death. I had also been kicked to the curb by someone just days before... it was a difficult time. Today, it's not as difficult nor as painful as last year. Last year almost killed me, so things are indeed looking up. ;-)

I still miss my Dad though...



The song is 'Man in the Moon' (Nick Cave/Grinderman) and I just today added the captions for my hard of hearing friends. The pictures are just pictures I had and ones I found on the internet. I turned them all sepia-ish and put them to the tune. I didn't think to reference where I got them all, I was all fucked up at the time. Apologies to the copyright gods. Go ahead and sue me... I'll just get my dad to haunt you, he'd like that. ;-)

Play D'oh.

I was practicing a variation of mindfulness meditation this morning called the white room. It's similar to many other mindfulness meditations but with a different (mental) prop.

Basically, you get comfy and chilled out then imagine your consciousness as a white room with two doors; an entrance and an exit. You then observe your thoughts entering the room and you just watch them, identify them, be aware of them and then watch them exit... thought after thought, without judging them or reacting to them, just 'awarenessing' them.

So I was doing this mediation this morning and thoughts came and went but one thought entered my white room and did not leave. It was the memory of an excellent animation by Jan Svankmajer. I tried to just 'be there' and be aware that I was feeling like I really wanted to see the film again... Stay Marnie... staaaaay, staaaay... fuck this! I just had to stop meditating and find the film on YouTube, haha. ;-) If you watch the film, you'll see why.

Anyways...

Do yourself a favour and watch this wonderful film:



Cool, eh?

Update

Decision made. I'm going to give medication a whirl.

It was actually a very easy decision to make which feels very odd because currently I feel indecisive about practically everything else in my life. Now I get to refigure out how to navigate though BC's health care system to find the support that I need.

Speaking of which, I'm also pleased to announce that my custom made bra is now finished and is currently leaving the factory to be delivered.


;-)

Thanks for all your support people. :-)

Decisions, decisions...

I've been getting some flack from a few people about my diminishing blog output. After some consideration, I've sat my ass down here to do a post. I'm trying to decided whether to write a blog post about 'embarrassing crushes from your youth' or a post about me considering going on psychiatric medication.

Oh, what the hell, I'll combine the two! ;-)

I received an email from a friend about embarrassing crushes from your youth - David Cassidy, Donny Osmond, blah, blah, blah, etc. I personally don't think they're embarrassing... popular crushes, yeah but not embarrassing. Everybody had a crush on David Cassidy. Even my brother liked David bloody Cassidy. It's not embarrassing.

Having a crush Fonzie, not Henry Winkler who played him, but the actual character The Fonz is embarrassing...

Who's your embarrassing crush from your youth? C'mon, fess up... (I can't wait for Naldo's confessional.)

As I was thinking about the above, I happened upon a website about the 70s. Neil, Naldo, Chris, Jayne, P and other Scotland people might find this amusing. The Bay City Rollers. I just, I mean like five minutes ago, found out that they were/are actually Scottish! lol! I always thought that they were from Michigan. LMFAO!

And here might be a good place to discuss psychiatric medication. ;-)

One of the reasons for my reduced blogging, both writing my own and commenting on other people's blogs (although I still read them), is that I'm not doing too well emotionally/psychologically. Yucky enough that I'm considering getting on something; an SSRI or something. Something I said 'never again' to about nine years ago when I stopped taking Paxil/Seroxat.

I've discussed it with Ms Shrinkychick (who is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, and so can not really advise) and we talked about anxious minds, evolution, the genetic lottery, the unknowns of the mind and medications, the ups and downs of therapy, choices and that ultimately the choice is mine.

I'm not bothered by any sense of shame or stigma in taking medication. I'm bothered by knowing how difficult it was for me to get off the medication many years ago. It was horrible... and that when I was on a highish dose of Paxil I lost my ability to have an orgasm! When you're feeling down and your pleasures are simple, that's a very cruel side effect. Interestingly, there's also a rare side effect of having an orgasm every time you yawn... I sacrificed dozens of small animal in hopes of getting that one. ;-) No luck though.

I'm not sure what to do. Much thinking to do. Any comments or experiences would be cool. Decisions, decisions...

Scary flags.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to my friend Simon that my Mom was in Hawaii. That sparked a piece of trivia out of his head... 'did you know that the Union Flag/Jack is on Hawaii's state flag?'

'Really?' and I googled cos I wasn't convinced and yep it is. And yep, that's one eyeball boggling flag ain't it?





From the page I was on, I could go see the other US state flags. A few US state flags were familiar to me (Arizona has a groovy flag) but most were not. So I thought I'd go to the page and have a look and this is where it gets really scary.

I've nothing against the US state of Maryland and I hope no one from Maryland reads my blog ;-) but their state flag is the ugliest flag that I think I've ever seen. Just look at it! No, don't! Run away! Run away!





If you know of an uglier flag, please let me know!

Anyways...

Enough bitching about flags. How about some laughs about them?

Originals vs Covers - Smells Like Teen Spirit

As I wrote in a previous post, this 'comparing originals and their covers,' might be a recurring theme on my blog. Here's post two!

In the autumn of '91, Nirvana released Nevermind. I listened to it nonstop for weeks. That likely forged the association I have between that album and the changing colour of trees. Every autumn, I seem to go on a Nevermind bender and this year I got to thinking about cover versions of Smells Like Teen Spirit.

But first, the original:



Fucking brilliant. Can't really say much else.

Now, on to the covers.

I was aware of a few before starting this post. Some I couldn't find videos for so they're being ignored. Just as well, as there are many I could find.


First up, one by Tori Amos:



How far did you make it through that? I got to 1.14. I am not a Tori Amos fan; in fact I find her music irritating. This included.


Next, one by Patti Smith:



I like Patti Smith and I like this version... but I wouldn't go out of my way for it.


Another one, by the Scala & Kolacny Brothers and a Belgian girls' choir:



Nice and haunting, epecially if you just listen and don't watch the video. Is it just me or is the conductor dude on the pretentious side?


And the nifty Paul Anka version:



Call me weird, but I think this is great. It's my favourite cover and I actually really like it but then... I actually like Paul Anka and have the album it's on... and there goes any credibility I might have had, lol.


When I plunked 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' into YouTube searchy thing, I found other cover versions that I'd never come across before!

Like...

This 'Turkish Britney Spears' version by someone called Safiye:



And only Britney herself could have butchered it worse.


Next, a cover by the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain:



A fun clip! Imagine that band in a drunken pub?! I like it; fun stuff!


And finally, the 'talented little shit' version:



Fucking hell! An excellent talent, fer shure. I hate talented little shits, lol.


My verdict: I love the original. Nothing else even comes close... ok, well maybe Paul Anka's version when I'm feeling cheesie (and that happens).

How about you?

Cool and Uncool

A few days ago, I went grocery shopping. Exciting, eh?

I don't mind the actually food shopping bit but having to negotiate parking lots or car parks as I had to say in Britain (which still, after five years of saying it, conjured up images of pick-up trucks sliding down playground slides with big smiles on their grills) is less than fun. Yet, I'm strangely fascinated by them... they are great places to sit and people watch and sometimes I see neato cars.

I thought this one was kinda groovy.



I have no idea what it is but it made a gorgeous rumble went it left.



Returning with a load of groceries, I find this boat parked beside me. Nice parking job. I was surprised that my car remained unscathed!



That decal that the red arrow is pointing to a C.A.T. combat auto theft thingy... telling cops that this car is not driven at night. It's deterrent to thieves apparently. I would have thought that it being an ugly, mid-80's, polluting old Buick was deterrent enough. ;-)

A More Uplifting Post.

Sort of.

A comfortable, properly fitting bra that does its job is the Holy Grail for many women, especially for women with large breasts, ample bosoms, copious cleavages, however you want to put it.

Most shops simply don't stock larger sizes and if they do the selection is dire; matronly and available in lovely colours like industrial strength beige. Ugh!

In a local shop, I once tried on a bra and though it fit, when I looked sideways into the mirror, it looked like I was attempting to smuggle out a pair of traffic cones. I would have punctured lungs with a simple hug.

Fortunately, there are a few companies that specialize in good bras in larger sizes, even nice looking bras and for the last few years I've been going to Bravissimo's website where I click a few clicks, press 'ok' and voila! A couple of weeks later, a package would arrive and all would be well in my bosomy world.

This morning this all came crashing down.

'#39520 has been discontinued.'

WHAT!? Nooooo!!!

So, I've just spent the morning on t'internet trying to hunt this bra down. I can not find it anywhere...

This is an impending natural disaster of epic proportions. I can almost hear the strain of spandex and polyurethane polyamide as I type. It's only a matter of time before a clasp gives way and all pandemonium breaks loose.

This calls for serious, emergency bra shopping. Ugh. Is there any woman on the planet who enjoys this form of torture? And how do you do it when the bra shop you like is on one continent and your breasts are on another?

People who decide to discontinue comfortable, well-fitting, high performance bras without sufficient warning should be forever cursed with an itch on their back that they just... can't... quite... reach.

I'm so frustrated and not looking forward to finding a new boulder holder. I'm fantasizing about bypassing the whole bra making industry and have my bras custom made.

I can just see it now...

Skywatch Friday... silver linings.

To see more skies from around the globe, click the pic.

Thanksgiving

This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canadaland.

A common tradition, at least at Thanksgiving meals that I've been to over my years, is that once everyone has sat down and loaded their plates up to maximum capacity, is to go around the table and each person expresses what they are thankful for. It's never been a religious thing and people are usually 'digging in' at this point and the wine is a-flowing.

This Thanksgiving, I'm alone. I made a sort of rice jambalaya thing: rice, veggies and ground turkey breast cooked up sort of Cajun-like and moments ago sat there eating it wondering what I'm thankful for. This year, it's difficult because I'm not well, I'm not in a happy place and that's clouding everything. But I am thankful for some very basic, bottom rung of 'Maslow's hierarchy of needs' sorts of things.

- I am alive. A few times throughout this past year I have had some very dark moments, somehow I'm still here.

- I have finally found a psychologist who kicks ass. Ms Shrinkychick has her work cut out for her and she's not let me down.

- I have a roof over my head, money in the bank and food in my belly.

- Although my health is not what it could be, I feel ok at this moment.

- There are 365 days to make next year's Thanksgiving blog post into something much better.

Oh, wait! Three cheers for pumpkin pie!



Happy Thanksgiving... or not.

Scenery to die for.

These photos were taken last year at about this time in the Elmwood Cemetery in the town of Perth, Ontario where I lived for about a month. Where I live now, Vancouver Island BC, with its rain forest mix of evergreen trees, simply can not match the unique gorgeousness of these fall colours:

To see more Scenic Sundays, click the pic:

More Baby Bothering... and help!

As I mentioned in an earlier post, a friend of mine recently dropped a sprog.

I want to get her a pressie but I am so out of my element. I have no idea.

I went to a shop around the corner and I'm still suffering the trauma of seeing a display of what I thought was a portable baby bottle warmer...

Portable baby bottle warmer, my arse!

For active mothers on the go...

Freestyle™ Breastpump

Introducing our newest breakthrough — Freestyle is our first hands-free, double-electric breast pump. It’s the performance you expect from Medela in an innovative pump that fits in the palm of your hand and includes thoughtful features that provide true mobility, freedom and flexibility. Inspired by pumping moms… freedom is born.
- Customized pumping with adjustable speed and vacuum control.
- Stylish bag contains everything you need to pump.
- Battery Pak for pumping anywhere, anytime.
- LCD screen, digital display — lit screen provides a digital display that can also be used as a nightlight for those late pumping sessions

WTF? It's a breastpump, not a Blackberry, ffs!

Anyways... I feel more at ease in the electrical section at my local hardware store and this is my first friend to have a pup. I have NO idea. I'm lost. Please help... ideas?

Originals vs Covers - I Love Rock n Roll

Like anyone else, the more years I'm on this planet, the more songs I've stored in my head. I suppose that translates into an increased likelihood of hearing a new rendition of a song that I already know.

I know some people look down on cover versions simply because they're cover versions. I'm not one of these people. IMO, it just depends on the song and the musicians involved. Some covers are opportunistic money grabs, others seem to rework the original in a way that gives a song new life. I Love Rock n Roll is one song that shows how it can go either way (imo).

Here's a recent cover version of the song, that I just heard the other day. Yeah, ok, recent to me as this cover is about seven years old but it's not like I go out of my way to listen to Britney Spears, ffs.




I can't even listen to the whole song. To be honest to listeners, Britney Spears should have renamed the song 'I Love Bastardising Rock N Roll' cos that's what she's done. And the video, ugh! Watching a woman fellate a microphone with such forced obviousness has as much visual appeal to me as builder's bum.


Here's the version that I think people are most familiar with; Joan Jett and the Blackhearts' mid-80s version (the actual song starts about 30 seconds into the video). It's loud, thumping and basic and it's hard to listen to it without at least tapping your foot.




For the longest time I thought that Joan Jett's version was the original but it's actually a tune originally done in the mid-70s by a British band called The Arrows. Here's their very tidy and very properly enunciated version:



So, there's the original and two cover versions. Which one do you like best and why?

I think the original is pretty good but does. he. have. to. sing. ev. er. ry. syl. la. ble. like. that?

My personal preference is the Joan Jett's version. I think I was about 15 when I first heard this song and wow did I think Joan Jett was cool. She fuckin' rocked with her guitar, black hair and leathers. I loved her prowling sexuality when she sang:

Said can I take you home
where we can be alone

Always gives me goosebumps.

In fact, I think the reversal of the conventional gender roles is what makes Joan Jett's version a much better, more interesting song than The Arrow's version.

Of course, that reversal of roles doesn't work for Britney Spears cos she sluts-it-up in such a choreographed, conventional and contrived manner that she butchers that interesting effect completely.

So, over to you... which do you like best?

Gargoyles... Cascadia Style.

Here in Cascadia, the Pacific Ocean features prominently in the landscape, economy, recreational activities, restaurant menus and likely other stuff but I'm tired and can't think straight, so you'll have to think of the rest for yourselves. :-P

With the above influence in mind, here are some local gargoyles:











Benjamin on Victoria Daily Photo has much better photos of them. He takes great photos and he must have a great camera. If I ever spot him, I just might mug him for it. ;-)



For more 'That's My World Tuesdays' - click the pic:

Hey! Hey! Hey!

I was just going through a drawer and look what I've just found. I just might get lucky tonight. Ha!

Courage

I've been thinking a lot about courage lately; what it is? where'd mine go? where can I get some? why aren't my testicles sprouting?

I thought I'd ask the blogosphere:

What helps you feel courageous? What gives you courage?

Scenic Sunday... living on the water.

The other day I spent a few hours at 'Fisherman's Wharf' in Victoria, BC. It use to be a place where you saw salty dogs, working fishing vessels and fish being sold straight off the boats and you ate fish 'n chips at Barb's Place.




Fisherman's Wharf has changed over the years. There are still fishing boats but now about half the wharf is a small community of houseboats or floathomes (not sure which is the more accurate wording). Also, joining Barb's Place are several more floating businesses; a kayak rental place, a tourist shop and more food venders.




I think they've done an alright job at changing the use of the wharf without erasing its charm. Not something I would say about a few of the other wharfs in Victoria that are now inaccessible docks for snots and their yachts.

Anyways ( hi Neil ;-) ), here are some pics. They aren't the greatest pics as you can only stand back so far on a narrow dock! I will have to go back with a different camera or lens.

One of the 'streets':




Various homes:














Scuba diving finds and old gear put to an interesting use:




Love it!




Great vibe about the place!




See more Scenic Sundays here.