Monday, November 2, 2009

Decisions, decisions...

I've been getting some flack from a few people about my diminishing blog output. After some consideration, I've sat my ass down here to do a post. I'm trying to decided whether to write a blog post about 'embarrassing crushes from your youth' or a post about me considering going on psychiatric medication.

Oh, what the hell, I'll combine the two! ;-)

I received an email from a friend about embarrassing crushes from your youth - David Cassidy, Donny Osmond, blah, blah, blah, etc. I personally don't think they're embarrassing... popular crushes, yeah but not embarrassing. Everybody had a crush on David Cassidy. Even my brother liked David bloody Cassidy. It's not embarrassing.

Having a crush Fonzie, not Henry Winkler who played him, but the actual character The Fonz is embarrassing...

Who's your embarrassing crush from your youth? C'mon, fess up... (I can't wait for Naldo's confessional.)

As I was thinking about the above, I happened upon a website about the 70s. Neil, Naldo, Chris, Jayne, P and other Scotland people might find this amusing. The Bay City Rollers. I just, I mean like five minutes ago, found out that they were/are actually Scottish! lol! I always thought that they were from Michigan. LMFAO!

And here might be a good place to discuss psychiatric medication. ;-)

One of the reasons for my reduced blogging, both writing my own and commenting on other people's blogs (although I still read them), is that I'm not doing too well emotionally/psychologically. Yucky enough that I'm considering getting on something; an SSRI or something. Something I said 'never again' to about nine years ago when I stopped taking Paxil/Seroxat.

I've discussed it with Ms Shrinkychick (who is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, and so can not really advise) and we talked about anxious minds, evolution, the genetic lottery, the unknowns of the mind and medications, the ups and downs of therapy, choices and that ultimately the choice is mine.

I'm not bothered by any sense of shame or stigma in taking medication. I'm bothered by knowing how difficult it was for me to get off the medication many years ago. It was horrible... and that when I was on a highish dose of Paxil I lost my ability to have an orgasm! When you're feeling down and your pleasures are simple, that's a very cruel side effect. Interestingly, there's also a rare side effect of having an orgasm every time you yawn... I sacrificed dozens of small animal in hopes of getting that one. ;-) No luck though.

I'm not sure what to do. Much thinking to do. Any comments or experiences would be cool. Decisions, decisions...


  1. Teeheehee....why did i just KNOW you were gonna ask me that one, Ms TB. Truth is rather strange: my first big crush was on 3 chicks at the same time and they were cartoon characters - Josie and the Pussycats. Google them if you dare. I fancied all of them from about the age of 9. BCR not Scottish? They came from the same side of Embra as me - Clermiston, Stenhouse, Saughton etc.

    Anyway, medication.....hmmmmm....i've been on some masel in ma time and it helped up to a point. But it had a similar side effect to yours - made me totally unemotional and detached me from reality to the point that i just gave up taking it. That made me drink much more to recreate the numbness in a way that i could still have a laugh. That was a mistake.

    It really does have to be up to you. If things are as bad as they sound, maybe you need a wee break and a helping hand. But only you know how hard it was previously to come off and whether it'll be worth it this time. Whatever you decide, let us know how you're doing and be sure that a wee corner of Scotland (probably a few wee corners) will be cheering you on.

    Gaun yirsel, doll.

  2. Fucking meds. I've been on brain candy, more or less, year and ½ now. About year ago didn't go to renew my prescription. Figured they didn't help and stopped to take 'em. After few weeks noted that I was getting worst. So I had to take 'em back.

    I've heard that it might take months, even over a year, to find suitable meds. Told my doc that I woudn't take any meds that fattens me excessly. Or take away my ability, or desires, to have sex. She told me that they'll find suitable, plenty to choose from.

    At first I was burdened that meds would change me to something I wasn't. Fucking up with brain chemistry ffs. Turns out I was (semi) right. My meds function is to cut away those extreme mood swings and keep me near medium. Now a days my head works like fucking calculator. I concider if something is wise to do or not. Where's the fun in that? Never was like that before. Allways did what FELT right, fun, etc. Am wondering if I want to be insensitive fucking medium. Dunno.

    That yawning stuff sounds nice. At least for ladys. Would be kinda awkward for fellas thou. LOL!

    Younghood crushes? I remember that every thing with two legs was fuckable. Actually still are. One "condition" I never want to recover. :)

  3. Girls fell in love with David Cassidy because he had better feather haircut than any anyone. I had an embarrassing crush on Wayne Rogers. Never heard of him right? He played Trapper John McIntyre on MASH. Yes... weird.

    Sorry I have no advice on Meds. Your experience feels like you're free falling and you have been thrown a chute you have never tried before. Nobody guarantees it will work but you're still falling so what do you have to lose?

  4. Josie and the Pussycats... lol! At least Fonzie breathed oxygen. ;-)

    I lived in Southern Ontario which is right beside Michigan, US when the Bay City Rollers were happening. We even drove through Bay City on a trip once. I was glued to the window looking for boys in weird trousers. So you can see where it my mistake came from. Although I can't explain why it took 30 years to know the truth. haha!

    Yeah Naldo, that dulled, unattached feeling. That's something else I'm considering as well. Although I would love to have certain aspects of my mind dulled I don't want other aspects fiddled with but maybe 'a wee break' might be good and give myself a chance to get my feet back under myself.

    Prkl, it's interesting, what you write about feeling versus being a calculator and how you make decisions. Right now my feelings (though only my anxious feelings) seem to override much of my rational thoughts, a lot of the time. I would love to have a bit more of a 'calculator mind'... at least for a bit...

    It would be nice to have a good balance, without possible weight gain (last thing I need) and orgasms on demand... Really, is that asking too much of a pill? haha...

    Do you miss your extreme moods, prkl?

  5. I never understood the David Cassidy thing but the hair explanation makes sense I guess. haha!

    Wayne Rogers! I can see that... now, that I'm in my forties! ;-)

    "but you're still falling so what do you have to lose?" ... bingo! Thanks for that Kathreen.

  6. The high part yes. Very much so. The lows. Well, 1 out of 5 of us (read; bipolars) doesn't make it. Well, I'm gonna make it. Didn't come this far for vain. PRKL!

  7. What? Is this some kind of a trick question? You are asking me to remember like the '70's right!? Good one! Ok, ok, maybe just one or maybe two! I used to think Goldie Hawn was quite a hottie. (Check out on of her early movies, "Butterlies are Free". Nuff said. And then there was Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac) and Ann & Nancy Wilson (Heart)

    Anyways, on a more serious note. Your health, both physical and psychological, are both very precious and fragile. If medication is required at this point, then you have to do what you have to do. Medication may only be a temporary solution until you can find out what the underlying issues are. I had issues years ago including the big debate about whether it was all worth it. Almost lost that one. I battled then and I still do. Yes, somtimes it gets a hold of me and I have to identify what is causing the short circuit. Sometimes, it's just a matter of riding out the storm and holding on tight.

    The fact that you have poured this out here for the world to see, tells me that you want to fight too. I know you have the support of all of your loyal followers. I'm not sure what else to tell you Marnie. Just hang in there and if you need an ear........well, I've been told that I am a good listener.

    As for the Antarctic Flag, pale blue background with the profile of the land? mass in white at the centre.

    Hang in there Marnie, I'm rootin' for ya!

  8. OK, first of all, what's wrong? What's the diagnosis?

    I went back to some of your older posts, but you never really specified other than you're having feelings of hopelessness and blah.

    The last time you took medication was many years ago and you're looking back in dread - did it help at that time? Was it worth it? And you didn't need medication for all these years?

    Only a good doctor can advise you, but as the poster said, since you're writing about it, you're really resisting.

    As for the embarrassing crush: Cliff Richard. If you don't know who that is, google him. Truly embarrassing.

  9. Hey prkl, I want you to be one that makes it too... if you don't, I'll kill you myself. :-P

    Thanks Neil. :-)

    Oh Bogey... those crushes aren't embarrassing! And thank you! Yes, I'm viewing the meds as temporary until I get my feet back on the ground... and facing the right way around! haha!

    Wolynski - I have OCD... which normally is just on the backburner but the last few years I've had a lot to deal with and the OCD shit is flaring up and affecting my life in a very negative way:

    Oh, I know Cliff Richard. LMAO! I bet you're STILL blushing! ;-)