Friday, November 13, 2009

ugh... umm... aww...

I've been struggling for some peace of mind for a long while now and I think I'm battling depression. I recognise the increasing blackness and frequency of my dark moods but I also paradoxically have been feeling better in some respects.

It's an odd set of feelings to feel better and worse at once so it was a bit confusing to start taking an antidepressant, which I'm now taking and I find that very depressing, lol. Seriously though, swallowing that first pill was painful (a feeling defeat and defect) but ultimately I hope it takes the rough bottom edge off of my mood and anxiety without taking too much off the top.

Relating to the above, while 'having a moment' a few days ago, I messed with my blog... tried a new template and I think it removed stuff, I selected various options and fuck knows what else I did and in the mood I was in 'ah fuck it, who cares?' was my response to the mess and just left it.

I've received a few 'are you ok?' messages, which I will respond to eventually (I'm very spaced out) but I wanted say sorry to cause any worries or concern, thank you for caring; it means tons to me... you have no idea.


  1. Phew, glad to see you back on line. I was worried when you disappeared.

    Just remember that required fields must not be left blank. Good advice I feel

  2. Things are looking a little zen on your page. I am sure things start to improve for you. Moods are inside the cycles of ourselves - your body trying to process some information. Don't be hard on yourself, just try to care for yourself as best as possible through the process.

  3. Marnie, know that there are people who care for you and miss you. Take care of yourself and everything else will come.
    Hugs and smiles

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  5. Required field must not be left blank - a pretty good summary of depression really, when required fields are not only blank but not really functioning as fields whatsoever.

    Look after yourself.

  6. Thanks people (again).

    "required fields must not be left blank" ... a new name for my blog maybe? ;-)

    Hey Brent, I'm cool with odd humour... trust me on that one!

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  8. When you disappeared for awhile, I thought the worst and had no way to reach out to you. I will have to remedy that. Perhaps I can breath a sigh of relief but I know, for you, this is just a new beginning. I hope you can keep walking in the sunshine Marnie. Keep the old toasties to speak. Welcome back!