Saturday, September 5, 2009

Baby Bothering

Last week, I found out that a good friend is going to hatch a crib lizard. This friend lives abroad and likes real cards sent through the post. So, I went to a shop to find one and instead found out that congrats new baby cards really suck.

All the Moms and Dads on the cards are White. All the babies are White. How creepy! My friend is White, her dude is Black.

There are 'Congrats on your new boy' 'or girl' cards. With all the girl cards being pink and all the boy cards being blue. Of course. My friends don't want to know the sex of their peanut ahead of time.

But, worst than all the gendered, racialised bullshit is that the cards are just soooooo saccharine, it hurts! Seriously, my eyes are still recovering from all their rolling.

Yeah, I'm happy my friend is fulfilling something that is truly meaningful for her and her dude but I don't want to say that through angels and teddy bears and elves and religious prose and baby talk. FFS! I'm an adult giving this card to another adult. All that sucky wucky baby speak from one adult to another frankly creeps me right out! Boundaries, people, boundaries. Shudder!

All I wanted was a nice and heartfelt 'Congrats you two on your new baby' card. I would have thought that that type of card would have dominated but I could not find a single one.

Thank god for printers and t'internet though...



  1. I find that greetings cards in Canada are pretty dire. You have to resist the urge to puke when you read the words. How can you possibly give that twaddle to someone you know and respect and expect them to think that you considered their likes when you chose the card. It takes me ages to find something remotely suitable.

    And why do so many of the cards have to mention God??

  2. PS. Of course the card that should mention God, Christmas, Easter, Hannukah, Ramadan? cards rarely do. I don't think I've ever seen a "happy Eid" card.

    I feel an old fogey moment coming on.

  3. Oh, that is good. I haven't bought a commercial card in many, many years. They are pretty much all like that for any occasion.

    Well, better to make our own, anyway.

  4. You can always take a piece of heavy paper and write it yourself. Maybe draw something simple too. It´s not that difficult, you know.

  5. That's easy for YOU to say chrome 3d.....what if you don't have any arms....or are blind.....or you're only two.....
    Furthermore, if we all did that, what would happen to all the poor fuckers who work in the greetings card industry?......15 million jobs right down the pan....
    Think, mate,'s not that difficult, you know! :-)

  6. You need a paperchase....they have the BEST cards, and stationary. I think I scared a woman last time I was in there, as she overheard me telling my friend I'd like to jump into the colours of the papers.

  7. I love your card, much better than a shop one.

  8. Make your own type of card?
    Or find something cool online?? Papyrus has really nifty cards.

    Happy Weekend.

  9. Shucks, Neil, you're such a nice guy. Only 15 million poor fuckers in the industry though? Sounds like the bampots who run it have been rationalising.

    Paperchase is good, i concur with J. Paper Tiger's also no bad.

  10. It's a happy Hallmark world we live in. My mother once bought 2 cards - one was condolences and the other was congratulations for getting married. Of course, she put them in the wrong envelopes...
    It's best to buy a blank card and make up your own words.

  11. Hi Toastie, Good for you for rising to the occasion! I live in a multiethnic area so the card shops here do feature non-white people cards. I agree with Wolynski that a blank card is a good option when you don't like any of the sentiments on the cards available. I'll have to check out Papyrus.

  12. Hey! Update...

    A wee girl... has touched down and all it well with her and her Mom and Dad.

    Yippy for them! :-)

  13. Marnie, I can not agree with you more. I just found out that I am going to be a grandma for the first time and trying to find a card that expresses how "I" feel is almost impossible to find. I am happy for my kid and her beau but I am jumping out of my skin with excitement!