So, earlier today I was buying groceries and I was at the seafood counter wanting to get a nice fillet of salmon, mmmmm. Others were ahead of me so I waited.
Trying not to look at the poor lobsters in their watery death row tanks, my eyes fell onto a reflective bit behind the counter. In it, I saw the back of seafood counter woman and the fronts of a very nice looking couple making their order; all summery, fit and healthy there were.
Then my gaze shifted to the left and I thought, 'Who the fuck is that porky-dorky blonde?'...
Rationally, I've known.
Intellectually, I've known.
Squeezingintosummerclothingly, I've known.
But today, the seafood counter mirror of reality kicked me in the ass!
So, I am posting this as a further kick, for the positive.
I'm embarrassed but I do have compassion for myself; I need the kick of reality but I'm not into beating myself up for my life hitting the shit-fan. There's a balance going on here.
I'm embarrassed because, though never skinny, I was quite fit and I have a lot of knowledge about fitness and nutrition. I do know better.
But understand why this has happened, given that my response to the last year and a half: a move, losing a friendship, my father's death, family stress, being dumped and making a huge fucking mistake... has been too much wine and then diving under my duvet and curling up into the fetal position for nine months. Perhaps other, healthier options would have been better but for whatever reason, I chose hibernation and inebriation.
And I'm not choosing those things anymore.
But now it's time to shed some of this muffin top; address the side effects of that year for real, seafood counter real.
Making this public will help me get back to myself.
(I'm finding it hard to press 'publish post'...)