My Holy Grail is a Sports Bra

... that works. And I think I've found it!

Hallelujah!

Now that my depression is lifting, I'm needing and wanting to get more active to shrink the muffin top that I've accumulated over many months of hibernating under my duvet.

One activity that I'm going to attempt to take up is running! I have dabbled in running before and it's always something I've wanted to do more of but, problem: boobage. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing running with large breasts and so I figured it was either breast reduction surgery or just not run.

I was chatting with Neil of Light and Dark fame about running (he's run marathons! Insane or what?) and he encouraged me to seek out a good bra... that technology had come along way, baby... and that I shouldn't let boobage stop me from doing something that I want to do. So true. (Thank you, Neil.)

So, I started up my google and searched and OMG! I heard a chorus of angels singing when I happened upon the Enell Sports Bra; a sports bra designed specifically for 'well endowed women' by a woman who was frustrated by a lack of sports bras that actually worked.

Here it is:



I haven't received my order yet but I'm all excited to try it out. Industrial strength support by the looks of it! And while ordering the bra from an online shop, I happened upon this edifying video. See the Enell difference for yourselves, ya pervs. ;-)





Oh! And here are my new shoes. Snazzy, eh?





So, with my shoes and my top half of me all sorted, now all I need to do is track down this gear for my bottom half.




BTW, I'm not in any of the photos or the video! ;-)

Ms Toast Burner --> Ms Muffin Top

So, earlier today I was buying groceries and I was at the seafood counter wanting to get a nice fillet of salmon, mmmmm. Others were ahead of me so I waited.

Trying not to look at the poor lobsters in their watery death row tanks, my eyes fell onto a reflective bit behind the counter. In it, I saw the back of seafood counter woman and the fronts of a very nice looking couple making their order; all summery, fit and healthy there were.

Then my gaze shifted to the left and I thought, 'Who the fuck is that porky-dorky blonde?'...

Fucking hell!!!

Rationally, I've known.

Intellectually, I've known.

Squeezingintosummerclothingly, I've known.

But today, the seafood counter mirror of reality kicked me in the ass!

So, I am posting this as a further kick, for the positive.

I'm embarrassed but I do have compassion for myself; I need the kick of reality but I'm not into beating myself up for my life hitting the shit-fan. There's a balance going on here.

I'm embarrassed because, though never skinny, I was quite fit and I have a lot of knowledge about fitness and nutrition. I do know better.

But understand why this has happened, given that my response to the last year and a half: a move, losing a friendship, my father's death, family stress, being dumped and making a huge fucking mistake... has been too much wine and then diving under my duvet and curling up into the fetal position for nine months. Perhaps other, healthier options would have been better but for whatever reason, I chose hibernation and inebriation.

Shit happens.

And I'm not choosing those things anymore.

But now it's time to shed some of this muffin top; address the side effects of that year for real, seafood counter real.

Making this public will help me get back to myself.

(I'm finding it hard to press 'publish post'...)