Thanksgiving

This weekend is Thanksgiving in Canadaland.

A common tradition, at least at Thanksgiving meals that I've been to over my years, is that once everyone has sat down and loaded their plates up to maximum capacity, is to go around the table and each person expresses what they are thankful for. It's never been a religious thing and people are usually 'digging in' at this point and the wine is a-flowing.

This Thanksgiving, I'm alone. I made a sort of rice jambalaya thing: rice, veggies and ground turkey breast cooked up sort of Cajun-like and moments ago sat there eating it wondering what I'm thankful for. This year, it's difficult because I'm not well, I'm not in a happy place and that's clouding everything. But I am thankful for some very basic, bottom rung of 'Maslow's hierarchy of needs' sorts of things.

- I am alive. A few times throughout this past year I have had some very dark moments, somehow I'm still here.

- I have finally found a psychologist who kicks ass. Ms Shrinkychick has her work cut out for her and she's not let me down.

- I have a roof over my head, money in the bank and food in my belly.

- Although my health is not what it could be, I feel ok at this moment.

- There are 365 days to make next year's Thanksgiving blog post into something much better.

Oh, wait! Three cheers for pumpkin pie!



Happy Thanksgiving... or not.

Family photo.

This is my Grandma, my Mom's mom.




I look at this photo a lot and I wonder who she was. I never met her, she died before I was born.

I never met either of my Grandfathers; one died before I was born, the other left his wife and kids (my Dad's mom and his three brothers) never to be heard from again.

I met my Dad's mom and her much younger second husband (an original cougar she was) a few times. I've nice but few memories of them, they died when I was ten. And I lied, it wasn't her second husband. They never bothered with getting married; she preferred living in sin. ;-)

I have never met many of my uncles or aunts. I'm not even sure if they're still alive.

I do know one uncle; my Dad's little brother but I haven't seen him in 15 years.

I don't know any of my cousins, except one.

I have four nephews; I haven't seen my oldest nephew, who is the same age as me, since we were 14. We were like siblings and very close. The two middle ones I saw at my father's funeral (Nov 07); the youngest I haven't seen in seven years.

I haven't seen my niece in seven years either.

I have two great-nephews that I've never met.

My oldest brother died about ten years ago. I hadn't seen him since I was 15. And prior to that visit, since I was seven.

I haven't seen my other brother or my sisters since last xmas.

I saw my Mom last week. I try to keep in regular contact with her, especially since my Dad died. I do love her but...

I have no children and I think I'm ready to close the door on that one. I like kids, well some kids ;-) but I've never really desired having children of my own and looking at the above, it's no wonder really.

The photo of my Grandma is my notion of family; unknown, faded and two-dimensional.

Thank god for friends.


EDIT - Re-reading the above. I think the above might sound worse to people who have a stronger sense of family than I do. To me, the above is normal; it's what I'm use to. I certainly feel a void of sorts and sometimes that knocks me flat but it's also a 'I don't miss what I never had' sort of thing at the same time.